This page is about a Mom who likes to think she is closer to the Hot side than the alternative. Here is my story of the daily journey of a less than rich, less than skinny and more than happy lady :D

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Joy, and Coffee, Come in the Morning

Oh is my Mommy spirit weary these days. First, let me say I am not writing this post to garner sympathy. I am writing to all the others who ran out of Momminess today. To the lady sitting in the car crying because, well, just because its Wednesday. Or the lady who thought she had a whole pack of extra diapers and wipes only to find out that yes, that is the last diaper AND wipe in the house.

I can count on one hand the number of times I have cried because of sorrow since Cooper was born. I'm not a crier... Its just not something I do. Then, I can count on the other hand the number of times I have cried in the last week. Somehow these numbers are the same...

So tonight, as I am snuggling on the couch tonight with my biggest little guy, the song "Blessings" comes on in the background. Yep, I lost it. Read the lyrics below. They just reached right into my tired Mommy heart and told my story. Then he proceeds to tell me I made him so sad earlier. Imagine the flood gates pouring out. Today was the day that nothing was right. We used 6 band-aids, didn't like the cheese we requested on our roast beef sandwich and spent approximately 46 minutes in time out. It was not easy. 

Tonight's mini-meltdown held no candle to the crying the parking lot last Thursday. I attempted to attend a new ladies Bible study at 10 am. Knowing that my little guy might not make it through the service I put on my brave face and my patience pants. 23 minutes. They paged me after being the service for 23 minutes. I thought surely, there were only 2 kids in his class in the nursery. Maybe they couldn't find diapers, or his juice cup. No such luck. He was crying. He needed me. So instead of jotting notes on "Believing in myself more", I was wiping a snotty nose and comforting a toddler that "loves his new class; I do not want to leave!". Fast forward to the parking lot, the tears, the guilt. What would any sane person do in that moment? Of course! Turn on Wreck It Ralph and drive around until Daddy could meet us for lunch.

I think if you could hear a recording of me over the past 7 days you would hear me saying the word NO 8,214 times. STOP a total of 6,774 times. And DON'T around 7,904. See a trend here? None of those words are LOVE, SWEET, KISS, HUG.

How do I find joy in this? Not only do I feel militant, sticking to my guns on things that seem so petty- I believe I have to be consistent with my kids, probably to a fault. I then look at the fact that if one were to examine the contents of my kids' stomachs you'd find the following: pop tarts, chicken nuggets, fries and spaghetti. Then download the info from their brains. You'd find Bubble Guppies & Umizoomie, numbers, NFL teams helmets & logos and lots and lots of love.

Love. I don't have any doubt that even when my little guy whines for 14 minutes straight because he ate all the marshmallows out of his Lucky Charms, and I won't cave and give him more, that he ever, for 1 second out of those 14 minutes, doubts I love him. Or when my big guy has been in time out more than out of time out for the 2 hours we have been awake. I don't ever feel like he feels loved less, or doubts my love for him at all.

This job is the hardest job I have EVER had. And I have had a lot of different jobs in my life. The hardest part is your bosses. You can't ever get an honest performance evaluation out of them. And results- they are at least 6 years in the making. Personal Time Off? Performance Bonuses? Sick days? Forggeeettttaaabbboouuutttiiiittt.... Ain't even on the docket for discussion. You know what is? Poop. and the Zoo. Those are on there.

Weary moms, hear me out. I hope you don't ever feel alone in this!!! I didn't even touch on the fact that we all too often have 100 other plates we are spinning in the background, hoping nothing is forgotten and that we can keep up. Give yourself a break. Eat left overs for dinner. Let your kid walk around naked in the backyard until someone shows up with more diapers. Turn on a 20 minute show and shamelessly browse Facebook while your kids are singing the Wallykazaam! song at the top of their lungs. Laugh at the fact that automatic flushing toilets scare your kids into being obedient angels. 

But more than all of those things- know that joy, and a fresh start with those blessings, come in the morning. And Coffee, it comes in the morning too.

"....Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5b NLT

"Blessings" by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise